Wednesday, February 20, 2008

How to spot a dumbass

We had just gotten done with a mission that had taken extra long, which seems to be our specialty, and had all our vehicles lined up on the road to exfil. I was in the trail vehicle, so I could see the whole line of vehicles, and was keeping an eye on the houses to our right. Most Iraqis around here are sensible enough to not be too curious when we are out with our partner forces, but occasionally someone gets nosy, and I was worried about the locals as they were starting to wake up and word had quickly gotten around that we were in the neighborhood.

All of a sudden I see this idiot come out of his house and start yelling. The closest Iraqi points back to the house the man just came from and yelled something, probably "get back in your house dumbass". No one is supposed to approach our convoy, the insurgents in my AO aren't prone to suicide, but you still don't want someone in handgrenade range, and well, you never know.

Anyhow, not only does this idiot not go back into his house, he continues to yell, and starts to approach the Iraqi soldier. Three more soldiers pile off the nearest truck and the man is picked up and put inside the gate of his couryard, pushed and the gate is closed. OK, he should get the point.

Nope, here he comes again and he makes the big mistakes of taking a swing. Even in San Francisco I imagine it is okay for a cop to defend himself, but this is Iraqi and these Iraqis aren't going to tolerate this kind of disobedience of authority. Pretty soon the guy is getting his ass kicked, and we are almost out of the truck to stop it when they throw him back in his house. But out he comes again and now he is dragged in front of the Iraqi truck and out of view, so P runs up to make sure he isn't thrashed. This time he has a weapon pointed at him until we roll out, but the dumb ass doesn't make himself disappear, he stands there in the gate glaring at our Iraqis.

When the US leaves this place, the local criminals are in for some serious ass whooping. The only thing keeping that from happening now is all the US JAG Officers trying to cover everyones asses when comes to detainee handling, hell even the Iraqis are more afraid of all the paperwork involved in detainees than they are of combat. And they think we are complete idiots - we'll spend tens of thousands of dollars treating some murdering thug we were just trying to kill, yet we tell them we can't spare more ammo or gas so they can run operations. I know we think I shows our compassion and superior morality, but to an Arab it just makes us look weak.

Anyhow, there are lots of dumbasses here in Iraq, just like the guy in my little story. Now there are dumbasses in America too, but there are enough here to keep this place stuck in the middle ages for at least another 100 years.


LT Nixon said...

My mother always taught me "Don't hassle the man with the gun". That was when I was 6 and probably wanted to go punch the policeman in the kneecap or something. You'd think people would muster up enough common sense to figure this stuff out on their own though... apparently not.

Anonymous said...

for the record i (P) was not trying to keep the two legged rat from being thrashed. i was trying to avoid doing paperwork cause our two legged rats thrashed someone.
besides, the locals were kind enough not to shoot at us while we were enjoying a big bowl of stuck, i figured the least we could do is not beat the crap out of them.

"D" AKA CI-Roller Dude said...

Most of the Hajjis I delt with just wanted something, but the biggest dumbasses I found were some of our own leaders.
If you don't see the IPs doing something, then you can be a witness to it later. Just look the other way and let them work their own problems out.
I think our biggest problem is, some knuckelheads in the US think the Iraqis are all of a sudden going to act like they're in this century, and not 1500 AD (with cell phones).
they are the most backwardsretardeddumbass humans in the world. Check their DNA if you don't beleive me.

David M said...

The Thunder Run has linked to this post in the blog post From the Front: 02/21/2008 News and Personal dispatches from the front lines.

Anonymous said...

You mean you can't just roll down the window and say, "heeeere dumbass, dumbass, dumbass??" over there? huh...go figure.

Katana said...

lol our compassion and morality? I think it's inefficiency. Oh well. SO long as there is paperwork to be done, the army will need folks like me :-). I'll take it.

it only took a "death by cuteness" threat to get you posting again. must file that away somewhere.

Belfast Bar Steward said...

enough of the dumbasses ... has my friggen jar handle of Jack Daniels made it over there yet?

Sergeant Grumpy said...

belfast me brother!! alas 't has not, as yet, but mail can be slow to my part of Shialand, and we haven't made a mail run in a while.

I will be sure an let know!

"D" - you would think, but we have a lot of folks who think it is their business to stick their nose into what the Iraqis are doing. Can't seem to understand that either we are occupiers, or the Iraqis are free people and will do what works for them, their laws, and their culture.

kat - i don't know what you are talking about. are you high?